Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
