so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
