I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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