I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
