Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
