so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
