I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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