If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
