u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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