oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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