If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
