remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
