Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
