also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think i have herpe
just one?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
