not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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