I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
