Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
