I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
