remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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