shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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