It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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