Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
