Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Houston, we have a squirter
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
