Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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