So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
