Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
