Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
