if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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