LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
