if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh god it's open bar.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
