hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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