I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
