you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
