no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
