Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
