I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
