everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
