I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
