All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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