ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I look better un-naked...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Found the puke drawer
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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