I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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