2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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