I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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