I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
