We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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