"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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