do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
