I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
