I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
