I want to stick my p in your. b.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
