Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
